I like to have "Banality"

I've been up all night.
I have nothing to do. So I decided to make fun of MTV.
Why is it that people on Room Raiders and the appropriately titled "Wanna Come Inside" always describe themselves the same way?

Seriously, every speech is something akin to this:

"My name's Jamie, I'm a white suburbanite college student at a large state-funded university. I'm a marketing/finance/accounting major. I really like listening to music. (ed. note- Instead of what? Whale sounds?) I love to hang out with my friends, play sports, and have fun!"
Well, Jamie, not many people like to have "boredom," now do they?
Seriously, have these people never seen an episode of either show? Do they not see that each and every person describes themselves in this manner? OR is that why they do it? (Cue "duh-duh duuuuh"-type music for effect)
On second thought, it can probably be at least partially attributed to what I can only assume are the large amounts of Rufinol these women ingest each weekend.
Seriously, MTV should just come out and issue a mandate that from this point forward, everyone they put on television is an athlete, a business major, likes "music" and "fun." Then maybe we could actually glean something about each individual, instead of learning that each and every one share nearly identical hobbies,backgrounds, and interests.

Wait, did I just assume that these people actually have a "personality" to speak of? How silly of me. They most certainly do not. I'm sure they would resent the intimation that they were in any way original or exceptional. I will never--ever--question their mediocrity again. I apologize.

Why not--and I'm going out on a limb here--stop me, please, if this is completely stupid--explain what your idea of "fun" is?
Would that be so hard, or are you afraid that MTV viewers will look down you when you explain you enjoy getting drunk at a bar that plays Top 40 radio all night long while you idiotically dance with your metallic tube top-clad sorority sisters until you scuttle home, desperately, with the last person who bought you a drink?
I am quite confident that they will not. Because they all do the same thing.

Also,

Dear People-In-The-Van-Having-Their-Rooms-Raided,
Please stop with your overblown bullshit self-flagellation whenever the "raider" (not of the Lost Ark variety, unfortunately) says or does something slightly controversial. Like finding your porn. Seriously, everyone has porn. Shut.The.Fuck.Up. Oh, and, if you could, please tell the raider when you meet for that final reckoning at the end of the show that they should really learn not to assume that someone is a slut because you find condoms in their room.
Seriously, do those people not use condoms? Is it so hard to believe that one would keep condoms around, even if they weren't fucking everyone in sight?
Also, stop with all the dumb sexual innuendo. Everyone knows you like to have sex. It's basically the premise of this show that you will have sex with one of these three people based on how many Blink 182 CDs they own. And stop getting so excited about the spy kit. And stop using any excuse to use the tongs. Use the rubber gloves instead.

It's this sort of pathetic, middle American drivel, freshly regurgitated each time I turn on the television, that makes me hate everyone .
This is all for now.

I believe this satisfies Kaczander's request for "pop-culture"...um, "whatever the fuck he said."
Next up will be an essay entitled "Fuck Our Troops," that is, if I ever get around to writing it.